Are women more grateful than men?

Two of the team behind Gratitube are GPs. We have seen increasing numbers of patients over the last few years suffering from stress, depression and anxiety. This aligns with what has been going on nationally. Over 10 million adults in the UK suffer from depression or anxiety per week, and 85% of adults report feeling stressed regularly. This experience was the main inspiration for us to wanting to provide a tool to improve mental health and wellbeing.

Anecdotally we also noticed that the patients presenting to us with stress, depression and anxiety tended to be women more than men. The extent of this was difficult to be sure in the midst of our busy clinic days.

As we started to delve into all things gratitude related, we came across studies that suggested that women tended to feel gratitude more than men.

Next followed the start of our social media journey. We became accustomed to enjoying swathes of positive posts about gratitude and wellbeing from users all over the globe. There was gratitude for sunsets in Hawaii, woodland walks in the north of England, children’s parties in Sydney, and baking cookies in London. We again noticed that the majority of these posts were from female users. A few months in as more insights data became available to us, we saw in stark terms that most of our followers on at least one particular social media platform were women, 76% of them to be exact. There was nothing anecdotal about this.

Like any business these insights can often steer marketing strategy. However, we decided at Gratitube that rather than rushing ahead and repositioning ourselves as primarily a wellbeing for women only app, we would ponder just what was going on.

We know that stress, depression and anxiety are universal. Most of us at some point will suffer from these. In fact, we implore anyone to convince us that they have never experienced stress before. Every woman we know has been stressed at some point, every man we know has been stressed at some point. Therefore, regardless of gender, all humans need to be tuned into their mental health and wellbeing, recognising when things are well and when things are not, talking about it, asking for support when needed, undertaking actions to maintain or improve their mental health and wellbeing, and certainly all of humanity can benefit from the positive effects of practising gratitude.

So why are women more visible in these regards? Well for a start men visit their GP about 20% less than women. When men do present to their GP they are less likely to talk about any potential mental health issues as evidenced by the fact that men make up only 36% of referrals to access psychological therapies compared to women. We know this is not because mental health and wellbeing problems are worse in women (in fact 75% of all suicides in 2017 were male).

Research suggests that there could be several factors why men present less frequently to doctors and are more reluctant to discuss their mental health, but one that comes up repeatedly even in the present day is the notion of traditional gender roles. To some perceived masculine traits of being strong, stoic, always in control still hold true. Talking about your mental health is perceived therefore as showing some weakness. Fantastic campaigns run by the likes of Mind, HeadsTogether, alongside more men in the public eye speaking up about their experiences with their mental health (think princes, footballers, musical artists) has reduced this stigma somewhat but there is still much work to be done.

Linking this all back to gratitude and wellbeing, the pieces are starting to fit. If some men feel that it is a weakness to admit that they may be struggling with their mental health and wellbeing then it figures that for a proportion of these men it is easier or habitual to simply not even acknowledge much of an existence of their mental health and wellbeing. If mental health and wellbeing in general is not on your radar, you are obviously less likely to mention this positively or otherwise on your social media.

We mentioned studies that suggested that men may feel gratitude less than women. Let’s consider these in a bit more detail.

In 2012 a survey of 2,000 Americans, by the John Templeton Foundation, found evidence of a gratitude gender gap: “Women are more likely than men to express gratitude on a regular basis (52 percent women/44 percent men), feel that they have much in life to be thankful for (64 percent women/50 percent of men), and express gratitude to a wider variety of people.”

A 1988 study comparing the experience of emotions in men and women of different ages from the United States and Germany found that German men reported experiencing gratitude significantly more often than American men Over a third of older men from the U.S. (aged 35–50) said they would prefer to conceal gratitude than to openly express it. This highlighted possible cultural factors that may influence the relationship men have with gratitude.

A 2009 study by Todd Kashdan, professor of psychology at George Mason University, found that men reported feeling less gratitude and more obligation and burden than did women after receiving something of value or need. Women, in general, reported feeling less uncertain and less conflicted by the experience.

To summarise the all of the above, some men feel that talking about or seeking support for their mental health and wellbeing is a weakness. Therefore they are less likely to present to the doctor for help, and find it easier to just not have their mental health and wellbeing consciously on their radar. Men seem to express gratitude less than women and are less likely to express this to a wide variety of people when they do so. Some men perceive gratitude as more of an obligation and burden and there may be cultural factors that stop them from expressing gratitude.

So are women more grateful than men? We suspect that men are probably just as grateful as women when they stop and think about it. The first step for some is the stopping, then the thinking. The issue seems to be that for some men despite being grateful, they struggle to express this. The reasons for this can be linked to societal and cultural stereotypes.

The bad news is that for some men this difficulty with expression means that they are currently missing out on the vast array of benefits practising gratitude can offer like improved happiness levels, reduced stress, better relationships with others.

The good news however is that stereotypes are there to be shattered and the push to de stigmatise men’s mental health continues in 2020.

At Gratitube, this makes us more determined to ensure that our app is geared toward and available to all. We are considering ways of partnering with men’s mental health charities to make sure that those that may need gratitude in their lives the most are not left behind. So if you are reading this and you are a man, woman or non-binary person who struggles to express your gratitude, or know of someone who may fit this bill, try to take a minute to practice gratitude today and spread the word. No matter our gender, no matter our lives, we can all get just a little happier by being grateful.