5 gratitude practice myths debunked
What is gratitude practice? The more one ponders it, the more difficult it can be to define. It can mean different things to different people. ‘Gratitude’ is defined in the Oxford English dictionary as ‘the feeling of being grateful’. Which isn’t particularly helpful. It does expand to say ‘..and wanting to express your thanks’ which at least starts to hint at a greater depth. Despite this limited definition, I think most of us have some conceptual idea of what gratitude is and the feelings/emotions that it conjures without necessarily being able to express it in words. Many may feel they have a natural predisposition to be grateful. For others, it can seem like a conscious effort is needed. Depending upon what is going on in our lives we may switch between these extremes as individuals. Gratitude practice is beginning to flourish as a tool that brings some consistency and conscious thought about what we are grateful for. Additionally, the evidence relating to its benefits is growing. However, just as many people could define gratitude in different ways there are many thoughts and much noise around gratitude practice. Many are valid, but there are also just as many misconceptions. Sometimes it is helpful to look at what gratitude practice ‘isn’t’. Here are 5 common myths about gratitude practice…
1. You must practice gratitude in ‘X’ way.
I find it a red flag if I ever read a post or watch a video and there is a directive that practicing gratitude must be done in a certain way. Suggestions and starting tips are all welcome, but ultimately what works for one person might not work for another. We find recording videos of 1-3 things we are grateful and why each day as part of our gratitude practice the most helpful (check out our app if you also want to get the benefits of replaying your gratitude memories 🙂 ) . Some like the traditional approach of writing in a journal. You may prefer to practice when you get up in the morning, before bed, or as a break in your day. Many enhance their gratitude practice by setting time aside with a friend or loved one to discuss what they are grateful for. There are also degrees of how formally we practice gratitude. Is it something you set aside time for each day or do you be aware of things to be grateful for as you ‘go about your day’ in a more ‘organic’ way? The power of gratitude for us actually really comes into its own when we start to have a more grateful outlook, and automatically take time to thank people when we are grateful for them. At this point we wouldn’t say we are as such ‘practicing’ at all… Whatever approach you take, if you feel a benefit, and you can keep it up, that’s the one that is best.
2. You should just list things you are grateful for.
A caveat to the above. Whilst we do not want to say exactly how people should practice gratitude there is one thing that we know from research that limits the potential benefits of gratitude practice: simply writing a list of things we are grateful for to tick a wellbeing ‘box’ for the day. For one, this will just feel like a chore ‘take the bins out (tick), cut the grass (tick), list what I’m grateful for (tick)’. It becomes boring and unsatisfying. More importantly, you won’t get the many benefits the practice brings. Whatever format your gratitude practice takes, it can help to think about ‘why’ you are grateful for something. If you’re grateful for a colleague, what is it specifically that they have done that makes you grateful? If you plan to thank them, make sure you share the why with them too. The greater depth you can think about this often the better. Quality over quantity. We’ll be sure if you were a list writer initially you’ll this approach mind be a game changer.
3 Gratitude practice and toxic positivity are the same thing.
This is something I definitely believed at first. I recently discovered a new word from the 19th century: Gigglemug. This is ‘someone who is permanently (and potentially annoyingly) cheery. I have to admit I can struggle in the company of ‘gigglemugs’ and certainly wouldn’t say an aim of gratitude practice would be to turn everyone into gigglemugs. ‘Think positively’ for me is one of the most useless pieces of advice given to improve wellbeing that has gained traction. Part of being human is to experience the full range of emotions. Gratitude practice will not stop negative emotions, and nor should it. It also wont stop us going through difficult times. We do however have a bias toward noticing the negatives more readily than the positives. Equally, despite there being many negatives at times, there are usually some things we have lost sight of that are positive. Gratitude practice can help us to reframe and shift this balance.
4. You will lose motivation if you practice gratitude.
If I'm grateful for what I have does that mean I just accept the status quo? Put simply, no. There is evidence that gratitude practice can help us to identify the things that make us tick, our goals and aspirations, and help us to achieve them. Much like being told to ‘think positively’, being told to just ‘be grateful’ is not helpful. Thinking about what we are grateful for can however help us on a number of levels. For example, identifying the gratitude for being able to take a walk in the park on a crisp sunny winter day as it helps improve my mood means I’m more likely to continue to do it. Similarly, if you identify what areas of your job you are grateful for you may be able to start to direct your career towards roles that encompass more of them. Gratitude practice has the ability to give us energy and motivate us to identify ways to make our world and the world around us better.
5. You can’t practice gratitude when times are tough.
There is no denying that things are really difficult for many people at the moment. Financial challenges are at the forefront of people’s minds. Practicing gratitude is not going to magically make food appear on the table or heat our homes and it would be insensitive to claim otherwise. Is it therefore not a good time to practice gratitude when things are so tough? We’d argue that actually, whilst accepting limitations, gratitude practice can be even more beneficial when we are going through tough periods. Many people naturally turned to gratitude (perhaps without labeling it) during the difficulties of lockdown. Such a challenging period made us refocus on what mattered. Gratitude for key workers was high. We were grateful for technology to be able to connect with others we couldn’t see in person. Simple things like a walk, or a morning coffee became things to appreciate within our day. Many would agree that during difficult times and the current climate of division we need to be kinder to one another. One of the areas gratitude really facilitates this is in its ability to connect us with others. When we express gratitude to someone both us and the recipient receive the benefits. It strengthens relationships. It helps us gain empathy. Gratitude may not be easy when times are tough, but it’s certainly something we can benefit from.
What are your thoughts? Are there any other gratitude practice myths you feel need to be debunked?